Funny how things change...

I was looking through old documents on my computer and I came across this little thing I wrote on November 1. I'm not going to explain it. I'm sure that you can figure it out. But it's funny to see how time changes things.

I don’t have the right to feel this way. I told you what I wanted and now I have to stick to that. Then how come every time something happens, my emotions soar? Girls flirt with you and I say “They are not good enough for him.” I hear about the crazy things you do when you drink, and I laugh, but I also wonder “Why?” People talk about you and I think, “They don’t know the real him.” I know what I want, so why do I feel this way?

Words can't bring me down...

To all your friends, you're delirious,
So consumed in all your doom.
Trying hard to fill the emptiness, the piece is gone.
Left the puzzle undone, ain't that the way it is?

Beautiful by Christina Agulera

The words I wish I could say... The words I wish I could feel...

"Listen... One day we will be friends again, but right now it's just not working. You're treating me unfairly. You never respond to my texts. It's not right that I have to wait for you to text me so we can talk. That's not how a friendship works. I hope you can sort through your issues, because I really do miss my friend... The person that I got to know you as... But whether or not you want to admit it, you're not acting like that person. I'm tired of my feelings get walked on for trying to be a good person and trying to be your friend. We'll be friends again soon I hope, but only time will tell. If you ever really need me, you know how to get a hold of me. And I'll be there because that is the kind of person I am. But until things change, and I really hope they do, I will not longer put the same effort to getting our friendship back as I have been. I just can't do it anymore. It's too exhausting under these circumstances. I'm not walking out of your life. I'm just going to take a step back until you are ready for me to be there again. I wish you the best and I will hopefully talk to you in the near future."

I'm almost to this point...

The Hourglass

From the book:
“The Realm of Possibility” by David Levithan


"I often want to pour more sand
Into the hourglass; you know the shape,
How it is supposed to mean time.
We are caught in the narrow middle.

You and I play games with each other.
I turn over the hourglass and you protest.
You are not ready to move yet. So instead
You knock it over, grab my hand."